1 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,120 You have to admit this is beautiful. 2 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,040 Very nice. 3 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,920 -That's what the gap year's all about. -It is. 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,920 Sunsets on the beach. 5 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,080 Mmm-hmm. With your father. With my father. 6 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,280 Never have we looked more like... 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,960 some dirty old sugar daddy and his young bit of crumpet. 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,800 You speak for yourself. 9 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,840 Literally everyone else watching it is a couple. 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:37,920 Well, we're a couple. 11 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,960 -We're just father and son. Yeah. 12 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,240 It's rather nice. 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,800 -Weird but nice. 14 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,560 Just off the southwest coast of Thailand 15 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,880 lies the beautiful holiday island of Phuket. 16 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,120 From package tour towns like Patong, 17 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,280 to five-star luxury retreats and high-end beachcombing, 18 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:29,200 this is the destination for sun, sea, chilling and partying. 19 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,960 Everything my father hates. 20 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,040 But since thus far we've been traveling in five-star luxury, 21 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,280 it's now my turn to choose the accommodation. 22 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:43,520 And this place has gap year written all over it. 23 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,560 Welcome to beautiful Micky Monkey Beach in Thailand. 24 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,200 All right, you guys are gonna have the time of your life. 25 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,880 I'm very excited. Maybe the time of his life. 26 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,000 It certainly won't be the time of my life, I can tell you. 27 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,640 Ever since I had the idea of taking this trip, 28 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,120 sleeping in a straw hut on the beach is what I've been dreaming of. 29 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,360 -Welcome to Thailand. Sawadee kap. -Thank you. 30 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,920 Though I suspect it'll be a hard sell to my father. 31 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:08,960 This is it. 32 00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,360 That hasn't even got a proper window, even. 33 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,240 -This is like Swiss Family Robinson. -Exactly. 34 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,400 Here we are. 35 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,800 There's only one bed in here. Obviously, it's the wrong one. 36 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,600 -No, that's a double. -This cannot be our one. 37 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,040 It's a double. Look! 38 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:32,920 It's nice. Come on, this is no different to that train. This is exactly the same. 39 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,320 Well, not quite. It's far too small for two of us. 40 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,360 If the double bed's a problem, there's a hammock. 41 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,160 For you? -No, you can go in the hammock. 42 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,280 If you slept in the hammock, 43 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,200 I would consider having this on my own, this bed. 44 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,640 Fine. I'll sleep in the hammock, you sleep in the hut. 45 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,000 -Okay. It's a deal, then. 46 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,280 Great. 47 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,480 Not so sure about my bed, but mission accomplished. 48 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,000 Right. 49 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,000 You haven't put Winston in there upside down? 50 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,920 There wasn't much room in my bag. 51 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,400 Poor Winston. He's been stuck in there headfirst. 52 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,360 -Come over here to daddy. -Don't do the creepy voice, please. 53 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:14,400 Sorry about that. Must have been so hot for you in there, too. 54 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,240 Was it Poor little thing. 55 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,160 Stop talking to the doll. It's really weird. 56 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,520 -It's not a doll. It's Winston. -Put him in the hut. 57 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:27,800 Don't throw him. 58 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,880 I'm not gonna throw him. I'm placing him on the bed. 59 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,480 I've never even been camping with my father, 60 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,280 so I'm really hoping the alfresco lifestyle here 61 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,560 will give us a unique chance to bond. 62 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,480 Although I can see one problem looming. 63 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,480 I'm beginning to worry a bit about the facilities. 64 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,360 In fact, I'd like to have a look to see what the facilities are here. 65 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,440 Seriously. 66 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,520 'Cause if there are no facilities, I'm outta here. 67 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,720 They have facilities. 68 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,640 I bet it's a communal thing, too. I'm not shitting with other people. 69 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,080 They're over here. 70 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,000 Oh, my God! What is that? 71 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,160 That's the toilet. 72 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,840 It's not a toilet. It's a hole in the ground. 73 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,040 Yeah, you squat over it. 74 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,600 And what's that bucket for? 75 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,240 That's so you can sluice yourself clean. 76 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,160 Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm 76. 77 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:19,200 I've managed to get to 76 without ever sluicing my bottom. 78 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,000 And I'm not gonna start now. And that is final. 79 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,960 So, in an effort to take my father's mind 80 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,160 off his lavatorial functions, 81 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,720 I booked us a boat ride just around this next cove. 82 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,640 Sounds straightforward enough, 83 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,920 but as a man who hates the sun and sea, 84 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,840 my father has spent a lifetime avoiding beaches. 85 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,040 We're going on the water. 86 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,880 Well, you may be. I'm certainly not. 87 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,880 I'll get on your back. 88 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,160 This is going to be a long afternoon for me. 89 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,640 -Lower. -I can't get much lower. 90 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,440 As you can see, my father is absolutely phobic about getting wet. 91 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,320 Probably why he won't sluice. 92 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,920 God. I'm absolutely drained after that. 93 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,240 -Nearly lost my breath. -Right. 94 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,400 Here is the boat we're gonna be traveling on. 95 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,160 -Yes, this is a tandem kayak. We're gonna be seeing Thailand from a different perspective. 96 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,680 I thought we were going on a proper boat. 97 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,000 -This is a proper boat. -Sir Philip Green. That kind of world. 98 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,400 And also, there's no life jacket in here. 99 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,320 As you know, I can't swim. Presumably trying to rub it in. 100 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,680 You don't need a life jacket. That water goes up to about your waist. 101 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,240 We definitely need a life jacket. 102 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,080 -Fine. I'll get you a life jacket. -You'd regret it. 103 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,520 The other thing my father has a phobia about 104 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,680 is physical exertion of any kind. 105 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,280 -Here we are. -Right, okay. 106 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,720 Where's the oar? There was two oars. 107 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,120 -I don't know. 108 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,480 You're right, there were two oars. 109 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,560 I don't know. 110 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,000 -Yep. 111 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,040 Just get in the back. That's your seat there. 112 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,760 -Yeah. 113 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,440 -No. Just get in the boat. 114 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,800 It's bloody hot, this thing. 115 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,800 For the first time on this trip, 116 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,880 I feel like we're really doing something together. 117 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:31,000 And to his credit, my father does seem to be embracing the experience. 118 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,560 See, this is nice. 119 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,800 We seem to be going really slowly. 120 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,920 Well, normally two people paddle. 121 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,680 Do you want me to cox for you? No. I don't. 122 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,400 Well, if I did, we might be able to go a bit quicker. 123 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,640 I don't need a cox. 124 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,600 I don't want to be sitting in this boat all day. 125 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,080 -So, go on. Stroke. Stroke. That's not helping. 126 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,640 Stroke. Put your back into it. 127 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,760 I'm trying! Stroke. Stroke. 128 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,480 You're going towards the rocks. 129 00:06:58,560 --> 00:06:59,960 Shit. Turn left now. 130 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,320 I don't know how to turn, because there's no rudder! 131 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:09,040 Why would anyone, of their own free will, wanna get into one of these buggers? 132 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,560 'Cause it's relaxing. 133 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,840 It's as unrelaxing as anything I can think of. 134 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,320 Where're we going now? 135 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,680 I don't know what to do. 136 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,720 -We're running aground! -You stupid idiot! 137 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,160 -I don't know. You're the sailor. 138 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,880 -Well, I didn't see it. 139 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,720 I'll have to get out... 140 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,360 Perverse as it may seem, 141 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,960 this afternoon is definitely bringing us closer. 142 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,280 Emotionally, if not physically. 143 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,800 And my father is never happier than when he has a chance to complain. 144 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,200 Now I'm going off on my own. Where are you? 145 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,760 I'm gonna get back in. 146 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,560 -Wait, let me go round. -I knew this was gonna happen. 147 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,000 -I'm now gonna be left, abandoned... -No. 148 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,760 ...in the middle of this fucking loch or whatever it is. 149 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,400 If someone had told me this morning 150 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,160 that my father would be sat on his own out at sea in a canoe, 151 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,160 I'd never have believed it. 152 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,920 I don't think I need you now. I seem to be doing all right on my own. 153 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,720 Now you can paddle? -Yeah. 154 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,120 I think I'm fine, Jack. Don't worry. 155 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,040 Time for a little rest and relaxation, I think. 156 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,840 Even my father should be able to manage that on his own. 157 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,680 I'm making the best of this for Jack. 158 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,240 And I'm prepared to stay here, 159 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,679 but not if I have to use those repulsive facilities. 160 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,640 So I just need a little time on my own 161 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,159 to deal with my own personal toilet requirements. 162 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:58,880 There we go. 163 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,600 There you go. -All right. Thank you, my friend. 164 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,520 -Hello. Sawadee ka, sir. 165 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,680 -Welcome to the hotel. -Thank you. 166 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,040 Um, do you have, by any chance, a room I could rent 167 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,600 just maybe for one hour? 168 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,600 No, sir. Here we have a room for a night. 169 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,280 -Yes. 170 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,920 Okay, well, I'll take it for the night. 171 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,480 I only need it for an hour, but thank you. 172 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,040 Peace and quiet at last. 173 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,960 And I can't even hear my father moaning, 174 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,160 so I can only assume that, for once, he's happy. 175 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,960 This is absolutely unbelievable. 176 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:50,600 I've rented this room at enormous expense for the sole purpose of having a quiet, peaceful poo. 177 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,560 Come and look at this. 178 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,960 It opens. 179 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,880 You don't even have to open it. I like to open it myself. 180 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,480 And then, endless buttons. 181 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,880 Do I press "Full Flush" 182 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,800 "Oscillating"? I don't even know what that means. 183 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,200 "Pulsating" is presumably some kind of sexual thing. 184 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,000 And then down here, a whole new range. 185 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,520 "Rear Cleansing," "Front Cleansing." 186 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,840 And then, there's something called "Rear Soft." 187 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,520 Did you see that? It's done the same bloody thing again. 188 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:40,760 God! 189 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,640 Phuket's reputation for beaches and partying 190 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,280 famously combine once a month. 191 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,680 And as luck would have it, tonight is that night. 192 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,800 I say luck. The whole trip has been planned around this. 193 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,520 I feel we've made a lot of breakthroughs today. 194 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,280 My dad's not wearing a suit. He's sleeping in a beach hut. 195 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,240 I even got him kayaking. 196 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:15,000 The final hurdle, and it's a big one, is getting him to a full moon party. 197 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,720 Dance, dance, dance, dance! 198 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,080 It's like being in Colditz. 199 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,680 This is how we party. 200 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:44,600 The music's very loud. Do you think you can have it turned down a bit? 201 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:48,280 No. Look, if you just let go, you might enjoy it. 202 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,960 I have let go. 203 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,800 Excuse me. Hello? 204 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,520 Hello? 205 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,360 Service? 206 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,440 Put your hands in the air! 207 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:12,960 Can I get a drink? 208 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,880 A glass of gin and tonic. 209 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,960 Put your hands in the air! 210 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,200 Jack! 211 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,640 One, two, three, hit it. 212 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,720 Bugger this. 213 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,240 Everybody, put your hands in the air! 214 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,120 Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it! 215 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,480 You won't believe what I've had to go through tonight. 216 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,960 It's been an absolute nightmare. 217 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,400 Night, Wins. Love you. 218 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,920 Make some noise! 219 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,520 The morning after the night before. 220 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:50,680 We're heading northeast of Phuket to the Ao Phang Nga National Park. 221 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,360 And Pru has flown down from Bangkok to show us round. 222 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,520 Boy, has she got her work cut out today. 223 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,600 Can you tell him to turn the engine down? 'Cause it's far too loud. 224 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,720 You can't, when you're on a boat, ask the man to turn his engine down 225 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,080 because you've got a hangover. Well, maybe he could paddle. 226 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,720 Isn't this beautiful? 227 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,320 Can you see all the islands down here? There are about a hundred of them. 228 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,200 This is one of the most beautiful ones here. 229 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,800 This is called Koh Tapu, which means "Nail Island," 230 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,520 but I think you know it as the James Bond Island. 231 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,840 Right. 232 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,920 This is where they filmed The Man with the Golden Gun. 233 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,800 Christopher Lee. 234 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,680 Scaramanga, he was the one with three nipples. 235 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,800 That's right. Yes, that's right, he was. 236 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,840 Do you remember you used to have enormous nipples 237 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,600 I had to take you to the doctor. 238 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,720 -Yes, I took you to the doctor... 239 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,720 -and said I was worried-- 240 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,760 They were too big in proportion to the rest of you. 241 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,000 You were quite small. 242 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,200 -You were about five or six. 243 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,520 -They were big. -You took me to see a doctor... 244 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,880 -I did. 245 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,440 and it's home to a Muslim village. 246 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,440 All of their houses are built entirely on stilts. 247 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,760 So, basically, they're like sea gypsies. 248 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,400 And the cool thing about them is they're really obsessed with football. 249 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,480 And Koh Panyee, Panyee FC, is one of the best teams in Thailand. 250 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,360 The island I really want to show you guys is Koh Panyee, 251 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,440 and it's home to a Muslim village. 252 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,440 All of their houses are built entirely on stilts. 253 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,760 So, basically, they're like sea gypsies. 254 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,400 And the cool thing about them is they're really obsessed with football. 255 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,480 And Koh Panyee, Panyee FC, is one of the best teams in Thailand. 256 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,120 -That's a bit you, Jack. -Yeah. 257 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,760 Although, I'm not sure today is the day. 258 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,680 The island of Koh Panyee is just half a square mile... 259 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,200 built around one giant rock. 260 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,520 It's an unlikely place to find a famous soccer team. 261 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,560 Malay Muslim fishermen settled here in the 18th century. 262 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,040 And because Thai laws then forbade foreigners to own land, 263 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,280 they had to build their houses on stilts over the water. 264 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,960 There's no flat land to play football here, let alone grass. 265 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,760 But where there's a will, there's a way. 266 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,800 There is the football pitch. 267 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,440 In 1986, a bunch of village kids became inspired by the World Cup 268 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:38,520 and built themselves a floating pitch out of scrap wood and fishing buoys. 269 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:43,880 And Panyee FC became one of Thailand's most successful youth football teams. 270 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,040 Today the pitch is more refined. 271 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,880 Mr. Prasit? Hi. 272 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,400 Pru's brought us to meet one of the members of that original team. 273 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,800 -Welcome to Panyee FC. Thank you. 274 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,920 This is the coolest football pitch I've ever seen. 275 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,080 Thank you so much. 276 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:01,680 Best of all, Mr. Prasit clearly recognizes talent when he sees it. 277 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,079 Thank you very much. So I'm gonna play with these guys? 278 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,880 Yeah. I'm very excited. 279 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,319 This is the highlight of my footballing career. 280 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,560 Daddy is actually a big fan of football. Aren't you? 281 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,000 I am. Do you remember your first game? 282 00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:15,760 England v. Germany. You watched it, cheering on, 283 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:20,119 then everyone got back into the trenches and carried on with the war. 284 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:22,839 Great first game. 285 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,920 After my disappointing performance at elephant polo, 286 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,440 I'm hoping to impress my father today. 287 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,040 Okay, let's press. 288 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,640 Although playing on a floating pitch with a hangover 289 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,640 is a little challenging. 290 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,440 Oh, for God's sake! 291 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,320 And here we go again. Does he even know how to be supportive? 292 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,440 God! 293 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,080 Encouragement would be nice, from the sidelines. 294 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,160 That's two, Jack, you've missed. 295 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,120 Yeah, but the goals are quite small, to be fair. 296 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,600 He's done you. He's done you! 297 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,800 Inept doesn't seem to be appropriate for you, Jack. 298 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:07,880 Look. 299 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,560 -We're losing this game... -Yes. 300 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,880 ...and you shouting abuse at me is not helping anyone. 301 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,840 I wasn't shouting abuse. I was giving you constructive criticism. 302 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,640 It's not constructive. It's just criticism. 303 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,800 Okay, I'll do it. Yeah. What are they called 304 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,480 What are they called? It's written on the back of every player. 305 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,080 Right. Come on, Panyee. Come on. 306 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,120 That felt really good, putting my father back in his box. 307 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,960 Yeah, that's how to score them. 308 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:42,800 He's found another! 309 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,960 They'll build a statue of me. 310 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,440 Although pride still comes before a fall. 311 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,080 Half time. We're two-all, 312 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:59,000 and my father seems to be getting into his new positive persona. 313 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,560 Right, now, come on. 314 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,480 Jack, you... and you guys, you just have to show a little bit more spirit, and you can win this match big time. 315 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,360 You know they don't speak a word of English? 316 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,640 It doesn't matter. 317 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,920 It's not about the language. It's about the spirit. 318 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,640 Out you go. -Yeah. 319 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,480 Well, it's a totally unique experience having my father on my side. 320 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,160 In fact, I think it's given us all a spring in our step. 321 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,000 You can win this game. 322 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,560 Well done, Jack. Brilliant goal. 323 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,760 A compliment from my father? 324 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,600 It's been worth coming to Thailand, just to hear that. 325 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:53,120 Hooray! Well done, Panyee. You won! 326 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:59,280 That's four-two to Panyee FC, and a hat trick from yours truly. 327 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,320 -Well done, Jack. -Thank you. 328 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,680 I've waited a long time to say, "Well done, you're a winner." 329 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,680 And I've waited a long time to hear it. 330 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,160 Yeah, you came good. You were brilliant. 331 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,840 -It was a very, very good game. 332 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,600 That was genuinely one of my favorite bits of the trip so far. 333 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,240 I love playing football. And playing it here with this around you. 334 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,520 -I know. -This is amazing. 335 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,640 My dad finally showed a little bit of encouragement. 336 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,880 It was nice to play well in front of him as well, 337 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,280 because whenever I was at school, I... 338 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,560 Like, he does all that, "He was so shit at everything." 339 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,000 And, I mean, I was. 340 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,840 So it's quite nice to actually have played quite well. 341 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,160 The next day, and we're back in Bangkok, 342 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,760 preparing to leave Thailand for the next leg of our trip. 343 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:01,200 So we're going to Cambodia, which I'm quite looking forward to, 344 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,320 because it will be a bit of culture. 345 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,280 So... But, I mean, you're enjoying yourself, basically? 346 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,600 Yes, yes. It's nice being with Jack. 347 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,000 How is Jack? 348 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,480 Jack's fine. He's obsessed with a man that we've seen in the hotel. 349 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,640 I think he's called Steven Seagal. 350 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,720 -Yes, that's right. 351 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,480 -Oh, my God. 352 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,280 -Yeah, apparently. 353 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,440 But who is he? I've never heard of the bloody man. 354 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,760 Look. Round there. Don't make it obvious. 355 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,280 Yeah, it does look like him. 356 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:40,600 I've got to say hello. I have to meet Steven Seagal. 357 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,320 So what are we doing? 358 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,600 We're waiting for Steven Seagal to leave the hotel. 359 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,920 So how long are we gonna be waiting for? 360 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,000 -For as long as it takes. 361 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,120 Well, till it's dark if we need to be. 362 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,760 -We can't let this opportunity pass us by. 363 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,840 I'm not standing here till it's dark, Jack. Come on. 364 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,400 Hello, Mr. Seagal. Hi, I'm Jack. I'm a big fan of yours. 365 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:10,960 -Nice to meet you. -Very nice to meet you. 366 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,240 I'm staying in the hotel as well. 367 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:13,520 Uh-huh. 368 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,240 A huge fan of your work. I'm an actor myself. 369 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,720 -Yeah. And I-- 370 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,240 Action actor? -Some action... 371 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,280 Martial arts? 372 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,560 No, not really. More, sort of, sitcoms and things like that. 373 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:27,480 I see. 374 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,720 And this is my dad. Daddy. 375 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,480 -I'm doing a show with my father. 376 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,760 Uh... I... I... Yeah. 377 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,520 -Daddy, this is Steven Seagal. -Nice to meet you, sir. 378 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,920 Oh, Mr. Seagal. Very, very nice to meet you, sir. 379 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,240 Yes, we're traveling round Southeast Asia for a very serious travelogue. 380 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,560 -Yeah. 381 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,080 What's it like as a place? 382 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,880 Um, Cambodia, you know, it's a beautiful, beautiful country, 383 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,360 but at the same time, there's a lot of lawlessness... 384 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:05,720 and mafia and different things like that. So... just be careful. 385 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:11,080 Are there any martial arts moves that you could teach me 386 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,760 that would be useful for me to know if I got into any trouble? 387 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,760 Is there anything? Any martial arts that I could do? 388 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,920 -Yeah, very quick. 389 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,760 -Very fast. -Let's just leave it at that. 390 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,320 -Yeah, sure. 391 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,880 -I know that you're a Zen master. -Uh-huh. 392 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,840 What is the essence of Zen? 393 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,600 Steven Seagal just threw me into a pond. 394 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,000 Has he just gone? 395 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,400 I was just going to shake his hand and thank him for it. 396 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,520 Got it. 397 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,520 "What is the essence of Zen? 398 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,320 To immerse yourself in it." 399 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,200 That's why he threw me in. 400 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,000 He could have just said it. 401 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,840 So, finally, we're on our way to Cambodia. 402 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,040 It's a five-hour drive to the border, 403 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,320 and Pru has come along to see us safely off the premises. 404 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,600 Are you sad to be leaving Thailand? 405 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,680 Um... 406 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,880 I am. I think I've had a great time in Thailand. 407 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:24,360 And I think also it's been great that over the last couple of weeks, 408 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,880 -I've seen Michael chill out a bit. -Yeah. No, no, I agree. 409 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,440 I have gone a little bit more cazh than I would normally. 410 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,320 And I've rolled my sleeves up. Look. Like that. 411 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,320 I haven't done this for years. 412 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,360 And are you ready for Cambodia? 413 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,960 I'm excited about Cambodia, but I am also quite nervous. 414 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,880 Steven Seagal told us that it was quite a dangerous place. 415 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:51,440 And he has single-handedly defeated an army of terrorists on a boat. 416 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,200 And then again on a train. 417 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,440 To us, the Thai people, Cambodia is like the Wild West. 418 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,600 And especially the town we are going to, Poipet, 419 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,680 is a bordering town between Thailand and Cambodia, 420 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,960 so you've gotta be watching out for yourselves when you're out there. 421 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,600 It's a bit like going to Norfolk or something like that. 422 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,720 -No. No, it's not. 423 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,720 We'll be crossing into Cambodia at Poipet, where, just across the border, 424 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,800 a strange casino resort town has been created 425 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,080 in what is effectively no-man's-land. 426 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,880 Because gambling is illegal in Thailand, 427 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,960 our Thai vehicle is not allowed into Poipet. 428 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,920 This van is gonna take you safely across the border. 429 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,240 It's been a wonderful time having you in Thailand. 430 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,440 I hope you have a safe trip in Cambodia. 431 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,720 -Pru, let's hug it out. -Thanks, Pru. 432 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,520 -Aw. Thanks, Jack. -Thanks very much. -Take care. -Thanks, Pru. 433 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,760 Thank you. 434 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,480 Say goodbye to Winston. 435 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,400 Bye, Winston. Take good care of your daddies. 436 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:52,680 In you go, Wins. 437 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,800 -Have a great time in Cambodia. -Thanks, Pru. 438 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,840 -Bye, Pru. Thank you. -Bye. 439 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,320 It's only a short drive to the border, 440 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,800 but for some reason, we're both feeling a bit tense. I get very sketchy whenever I'm crossing a border or any customs. 441 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:11,920 There's always just at the back of the mind 442 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,960 that somewhere on my person I could have a bit of contraband. 443 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,720 -I'm just gonna tell you this now. 444 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,400 Even though you're my father and I love you. 445 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,760 You'd be better off in a Cambodian prison than me. 446 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,560 With this face, I'll be in trouble. I think you'd get by. 447 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,400 -They'd give you a wide berth. -I think we should just... 448 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,720 I am, to use the technical term, bitchnip. 449 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,600 I'd be someone's wife like that. 450 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,920 I don't know what's happening. Now they seem to be stopping us. 451 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:43,320 -You have to admit this is quite scary. 452 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:44,880 I bet this is what they do. 453 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,320 Oh, God. 454 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,160 How... What's going on here? Is that a gun? 455 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,760 What do we do 456 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,080 -Don't know. 457 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,560 Never have I wished we had Steven Seagal with us more. 458 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,720 We're gonna have to cut. We have to stop filming. 459 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,120 After several hours of negotiation, 460 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,840 our crew and equipment are allowed through to Poipet. 461 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,720 But the following morning, 462 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:16,240 the scenes that greet us in this surreal casino resort are daunting. 463 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,280 For the first time on our trip, we're definitely outside our comfort zone. 464 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:35,320 Fortunately, a Cambodian guide, with the unusual name of Puppet, 465 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,680 is due to meet us across the border. 466 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,000 -It's quite fragrant. -It is. 467 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,600 It reminds me a bit of... 468 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:51,120 Do you remember, instead of going to the south of France, we went to Portugal? 469 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,680 When I arrived, I realized what a mistake I'd made. 470 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,760 Careful. 471 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,000 -Yeah. 472 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,200 -We're meant to meet our guide here. Right. 473 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:04,760 Think that could be us? 474 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:09,080 There? "Mr. and Mrs. Whithall," yes. 475 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,000 Yeah. 476 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,640 -Come. Yeah, come. Come. 477 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:18,120 All right. I got 'em. 478 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,160 Come. 479 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,000 Looks like a hit man. 480 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,040 -Yeah. 481 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,800 He's a bit light on the charm, this character. They're meant to do a lot of "Welcome to Cambodia" 482 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,400 and all that sort of stuff. 483 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,600 Jesus. It's like something out of Mad Max. 484 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,200 Just tell him to slow down a bit. 485 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,320 Is it much further? 486 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,280 Come. 487 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,800 Where the hell are we going? 488 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,520 We're heading today to an old French colonial town called Battambang, 489 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,760 seventy miles from Poipet. 490 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:08,880 Quite intense, that border crossing. 491 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,000 It was. 492 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,440 This feels like now we're doing proper traveling. 493 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:13,360 Yeah. 494 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:14,760 Puppet? -Yes. 495 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,960 Can I ask why you're called Puppet? 496 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,240 'Cause I'm quiet. I don't talk to anybody unless they talk to me first. 497 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,920 -Puppet. That's why. -That's the answer. 498 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,440 -That's the answer. -Yeah. 499 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,400 Why do you have the doll? 500 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,480 It's a luk thep doll. It's for good luck on our travels. 501 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,000 It will bring us good luck. It's called Winston. 502 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,240 After Winston Churchill. You know who I mean by Winston Churchill? 503 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,320 Nope. 504 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,080 One of the greatest war leaders of all time. 505 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,880 Puppet, where are we going now? 506 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,520 We're going to the train station first, 507 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,400 then we're taking the train to Battambang. 508 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,880 Is that where they make the cake? 509 00:29:55,760 --> 00:30:00,280 No. -Don't worry about that. 510 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,000 -That's Battenberg. Battenberg. -Right. 511 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,360 It's not the busiest station I've ever seen. 512 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,680 In fact, I'd go out on a limb here 513 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,840 and say this probably isn't one of Cambodia's high-speed rail links. 514 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:27,400 Thanks. 515 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,080 This is the... the train station. 516 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,760 This is the train station? 517 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,520 Yeah. Now we wait for the bamboo train. 518 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,920 Maybe I'll have a look around, see if they've got a Starbucks. 519 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,400 Be careful. Don't go off the track. 520 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:42,840 There's still land mines out here. 521 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,640 By the track? -Land mines. 522 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,840 -Yes. Off the track. -Shit. 523 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,520 And is there a timetable for this train? 524 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,160 -Does it-- -No, we just have to wait. 525 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,080 -Don't know. 526 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,920 -Right. 527 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,280 We've been on the road for the best part of 24 hours. 528 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,120 It's 90 degrees, 529 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,640 and my father hasn't changed his clothes in two days. 530 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,000 What he'd give now for a nice, cold sluice. 531 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,440 Looks like we beat the rush hour.